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“I’ve been creeping on you long enough to know when your menstrual cycle is.”

- Jesse*

via (fallenxstar)

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“I’m sure Dracula would love the taste of your type AB+ blood.”

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“You are as graceful as an old woman in a nursing home doing aerobics.”

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“If I was a shark and you were a human, I would totally eat you.”

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“I’m gonna call Chewbaka for a one-night stand.”

(via toheavenfromhell)

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“It’s not my fault that your turtle is so bangable!”

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“If I were a paedophile, I’d tap that.”

My friend, L*

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I would NOT want to be this girl. …

(Source: astoldbyolivia)

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“AS IF you wouldn’t be worth the jail time.”

My friend Bobby to me

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“I watch you as if a jellyfish was stuck to your forehead.”